How To Be Curious
and why it's making a difference for me this year (plus, my first attempt at links?!).
Hey friends,
Today, a note on something I’m learning (plus my first attempt at links!). Here we go…
//
This story starts in December of 2022. It’s the end of the year, and its nearing time for me to pick a “word” for 2023 - it’s a ritual I’ve been taking part in for the last almost decade and one that I LOVE. It’s a chance to be intentional with what I might want to see grow in the days and weeks to come, an anchor to come back to amidst crazy weeks and fun trips and sickness and flat tires.
And, of course, because I love a good dinner party, my very FAVORITE thing to do is invite people over on New Year’s for wine and cheese boards and poppers and champagne and dream together about what the new year could hold for each of us.
New Year’s is around the corner and for weeks, I’ve been feeling a particular word bubble up, inviting me to consider it and tune into it in the year ahead. Each time, though, I shoo it off, push it back down. This word is different, it’s maybe too… simple. I like words that are flashy or aspirational or FUN. I like words like connected, free, and adventure. Where’s my word like that for 2023?
//
I’m driving in the car with Grant post-Christmas, weaving through the rolling green hills before the 101 meets the water, racing to make it oceanside in Santa Barbara from Monterey by sunset. Taylor Swift’s new album is playing in the background (a momentary reprieve from Frank Sinatra’s Christmas tunes on repeat), and we start reminiscing together on this past year - all the good that it has held, and the hard that it has held. In so many ways, I can’t wait to wave goodbye, with 2022 disappearing in the rear view mirror.
The conversation shifts as we start thinking of what 2023 could have for us, and what we each want to hold up in the days to come.
It’s as we talk that I admit, “This next year, I want vibrancy. After feeling so worn down, that’s ultimately where I want to get. But, instead the word I keep being oddly drawn to is curious.” The mist is rolling in on the hills in the distance casting an appropriately dreamy glow on the drive and the reflection. I see him glance over to study my face as he asks the question, “If you want to get to vibrancy, why don’t you just pick it and own it?”
I pause for a moment and then feel the admission roll out of me: I feel like every year I rush past the thing that’s actually going to get me to where I want to go, the thing that could actually change me. I want the flashy thing. I want to have arrived instead of take part in the journey. “Curious” feels like it’s learning from this last year. “Curious” feels like it’s taking the journey.
And this year, somehow I know that it’s going to be curiosity that gets me to vibrancy. It’s the pause, the grace, the breathing room to wonder and learn instead of being unkind to myself when I don’t have everything “all figured out”.
This year, I want to get curious about A way to move through my life in this season instead of assuming there’s THE way that I’m missing, falling short of, not quite able to get to. This year, I’m ready to move away from feeling like I’m failing at all the things all the time.
This year, I want to let the idea of “arriving” go with the wind.
//
It’s a few weeks back and I’m driving, once again, this time, on the 605 freeway. This time I’m solo, headed to an event for work. As the freeway stretches by, I navigate to a podcast from a series I love - this one’s titled Let’s Talk About Friendship. I hit play.
I listen as the host and guests pop back and forth on the topic, sharing insights and asking questions, and one line in particular stands out to me. Friendship, they share, is a to-do. Meaning, friendship takes action.
I think with searing clarity to the season I’m in. Why is it that it’s felt so hard to show up with action as a friend in the same way I once did since entering the season of motherhood?
This title, mother, is one that I’ve adored. And yet. There are pieces of my life that have shifted and adapted as a result.
Maybe it’s the amount of time it takes you to get out of the house ANYWHERE in the beginning. Maybe it’s the sleepless nights. Maybe, eventually, it’s having a sweet little human that requires a lot of output - one day, I think to myself, she’ll be able to do things like, I don’t know, get dressed herself or make her own food or pack her own lunch. THEN I’ll have time to be a friend the way I once was.
In the meantime, I realize, I’ll just sit here feeling this shame for all the ways I’m likely letting others down between trying to show up to the work marriage mom life happening right in front of me. And then, something clicks into place - curiosity. It’s been a muscle I’ve been stretching, after all, for the last 5 months.
What if I don’t have to wait until then? What if even small things can be enough? What if I own more of my own time than I think? What if I’m capable of setting new rhythms at any time? What if the dear friends in my life have seasons that are changing, too, and I instead have a chance to learn what they need and what gives them life in friendship right here and now?
I sense an exhale. Grace for the journey.
//
The title for this post may have been a little misleading, because the truth is I don’t have this topic all figured out. What I have learned, though, is the power of a moment - a pause. A chance to let yourself off the hook. A chance to ask a question. A chance to start a phrase to yourself with “I wonder” instead of “You should’ve”. It feels like grace. Like a hug. Like the sky opening after a cloudy day.
Curiosity looks like asking:
Is there a way I could be a bit kinder to my body?
What kind of movement do I actually like?
What is my spouse learning right now?
What are they loving all these years later?
What am I loving all these years later?
What can I learn about how I can show up for my friends in between our collective careers or kids?
Does somebody just need GrubHub delivered to their doorstep (because, who doesn’t?!)?
What might God be teaching me in these circumstances?
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and these questions may not always pop immediately to mind first, but they are a few of the options giving me more life as I slowly quiet the voices telling me I should already be on the other side of the finish line in whatever area of life, instead of soaking up the stretch of road squarely ahead of me.
So, cheers to curiosity for the journey. I hope it can bring all of us more peace as we keep wading through 2023.
//
If you’re curious about PRODUCTS that are making me feel a little less all over the place in this crazy young parent / working mom / what even is happening season of life then I’m thrilled to tell you that you’ve come to the right place. Please enjoy*:
This face mask I just got off of Sephora’s sale because what even is this tired skin that’s starting to happen in my 30s?
This pair of summer pants I bought recently and have promptly worn every day since opening them earlier this week.
This white wine as the weather warms.
This tinted moisturizer for all day, every day, any time, any where. SPF included. It’s your face’s new best friend, and you’re welcome.
This playlist when you need a feel good pick me up. Rainy days, sunny days, weekends, moments when work is turning your brain to mush - I’ve found it works in all of the above circumstances.
* I am zero percent an influencer so this is just a good ‘ol faves round up for you with nothing else attached.
That’s a wrap, friends. Cheers to you, and a chance to practice a little curiosity in the weeks to come. I’m rooting for you as you do.
